Dating Therapy

Have You Given Up On Dating?

• Are your attempts at dating getting you nowhere?
• Do friends describe you as a great catch, and yet you can’t seem to hit it off with anyone? 
• Has not meeting the right person battered your self-esteem?

If you’ve been successful in other facets of life, you may feel frustrated by the ongoing failure to find a partner. Maybe you’re perplexed why what you’re doing isn’t working and have grown increasingly anxious that if you don’t meet someone soon, you’ll spend the rest of your life alone.

Your Dating Techniques Might Not Be Effective

Perhaps you’ve noticed the skills that make you successful in other aspects of life don’t necessarily transfer to dating. For example, being persistent may have paid off in your career, but in dating, persistence can come across as desperate or aggressive. The more rejection you experience, the more your ego is bruised, making you wonder what’s wrong with you.

Without a partner to share experiences with, life can feel flat and unfulfilling. Although work, friends, and travel are great, you crave companionship. If only you knew how to meet someone who had the potential to become a life partner.

Fortunately, dating therapy provides the practical knowledge and personal insight to date with more confidence and expertise. Working with a therapist, you can navigate the intricacies of dating to ensure you’re doing everything it takes to meet the right person.

Online Dating May Seem Daunting

When it comes to dating these days, it’s up to us to figure out what to do—or not do—to find a partner. Gone are the formalized mating rituals, like dances and social gatherings, that made meeting someone more straightforward. In today’s world, many of us are accustomed to interacting online, and yet we find dating apps and platforms discouraging. Although we’ve heard about people finding a partner through a dating app, the reality often seems like a waste of time, especially the older we get.

A survey conducted by Pew Research in 2023 found that online dating is more common among younger adults than older people. “About half of those under 30 (53 percent) report using a dating site or app, compared with 37 percent of those ages 30 to 49, 20 percent of those 50 to 64, and 13 percent of those 65 and older.”

When It Comes To Dating, Unhelpful Advice Is Plentiful

One of the most frustrating things about dating is that everyone seems to have conflicting advice to offer. While we sometimes hear that as soon as we stop looking, it will happen, we’re just as likely to get the direct opposite advice that we can’t expect to meet someone unless we put ourselves out there. 

Some friends may tell us to be aloof, while others may say we should be direct and engaging. We may get told to wait a year after a breakup or, conversely, to get back on the horse as soon as possible. There’s no consensus.

Whether you choose to date organically or online, you don’t need bad advice—you need strategy and engagement. Therapy will help you let go of the belief that there’s only one soulmate for you, ensuring that dating is a rewarding experience that garners results. 

Therapy Can Help You Get Serious About Dating

Anyone who tells you dating is “easy” and “instinctive” is lying. Most of us lack the necessary skills for dating because they don’t overlap or mesh with skills we use in other areas of life. The truth is, dating in earnest takes work, and realizing that you’ve clicked with someone worthwhile isn’t always obvious. 

Rather than letting good matches slip through your fingers as you hold out for perfection, dating therapy can help you recalibrate your expectations and consider more possibilities. Revisiting your criteria for a partner that reflects what you’re really looking for increases the odds of meeting someone you’ll connect with.

Dating therapy offers practical guidance, accountability, and an invaluable opportunity to work on yourself. Sometimes, figuring out why you haven’t found your match can be as simple as shifting some of your dating patterns or tweaking your online profile. Or maybe successful dating will require some self-examination and redefining what a good relationship for you looks like.

What To Expect In Sessions

Initially, we will take a deep dive into your personality and pinpoint your ideal match. We then explore your beliefs about dating and work through any obstacles that may prevent you from finding someone you’re compatible with, including:

• Fear of intimacy – if you’re stuck in the pattern of being drawn to unavailable people unwilling to connect, an underlying fear of intimacy may be why.
• Self-perception – Understanding how you perceive yourself and addressing any areas that may hinder you from attracting a suitable partner is a critical component of dating counseling.  
• Your definition of a “good match” – we will examine what you “think” you want in a partner to determine whether these qualities will satisfy you, or if they only reflect what you’ve been told you “should” want. 
• Overcoming rejection – being resilient and not getting discouraged will ensure you eventually find the right person.

We will draw from various modalities, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), to help you fill blind spots and gain insights. The added benefit of dating therapy is that it can help you become a more well-rounded version of yourself. Not only will the work you do greatly benefit you once you’re in a relationship, but learning the ins and outs of dating will make you feel more competent and secure.

Dating Counseling Includes Practical Strategies

In dating coaching, I will teach you how to gather the most information in the shortest amount of time so you won’t waste time—and potentially, emotion—on the wrong person. Additionally, we will determine if you’ll be more successful with online or organic dating (or a mixture of both) based on your personality and lifestyle. 

Finding the right person seldom means checking every box. More often, you realize that being valued by someone you care about is the solid connection you need for a satisfying relationship. Even if you’ve soured on dating and feel hopeless that you’ll ever meet anyone, therapy can help you shift your mindset and find a compatible partner.

But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Dating Therapy Is Right For You…

How can therapy help me with dating?

Dating therapy is a safe space to learn new skills and, most importantly, what makes you tick. As you immerse yourself in meeting a good match, you will discover things about yourself along the way that shift your perspective. Putting in the effort to find the right person takes work, but it can also be fun and rewarding. If you’ve felt perplexed by dating, just learning how it works can be such a relief.

I’m too busy with my career and other activities to find time to meet with a dating therapist.

Even if you’ve had an amazing career, chances are that when you look back on your accomplishments one day, you’ll value your loved ones much more highly. Taking the time to learn how to date and find a match is worth sacrificing time and effort for. When you consider how matching with the right partner can alter your life’s trajectory, there’s no reason to put off dating coaching. If you’re ready to take dating seriously and do the work outlined in therapy, results can happen pretty quickly.

I’d be embarrassed if people found out I was working with a relationship counselor. 

I hate to break this to you, but if you haven’t been successful in finding a partner, people have probably already noticed. So, ask yourself: Would you rather be judged for seeking help and meeting someone or for striking out over and over again? Rather than worry about what others think, why not dedicate as much energy to dating as you would to a job, hobby, or anything else that’s important to you? You deserve to have the life you want.

Finding Someone You Can Fall In Love With Is Possible

I’ve helped hundreds of clients meet their life partner, and I’m eager to help you, too. To find out more about dating therapy with me, either in person in Pacific Beach or online, please contact me.