Are you still looking back at your past relationship?
You know how… when you can’t resist taking a quick look at your ex’s social media profile and see what they’re up to… how they’ve coped without you? … and you feel … well…. either happy for them because you’re doing just fine in your own life and you genuinely want them to succeed… or, let’s be honest .. jealous?
There’s a certain type of client who comes to me with a very specific issue they wish to resolve.
The image these clients present to the world is a passive one, but that’s far from the truth. Their need to be less dependent is usually linked to just one person or one relationship but what surprises them is my response to their ‘problem’, which goes something like this:
“What I really want is for you to become dependent on way more people”.
This sounds at odds with our individualistic, egocentric culture but let’s take a walk back in time.
A few years ago I decided out of the blue while on vacation in Kauai that our whole family would attend an Ash Wednesday mass to mark the beginning of Lent. I knew it could go either way. These services rely on a priest who understands how to gently hold everything together which isn’t always the reality.
I’ve not written for a while. Like all of us trying to come up with different topics and angles for blog content, I’ve felt like I reached my limits for new ideas.
This week threw me for a loop though. A client who I’ve been working with for only a short time called to let me know how much the work we’ve been doing together has helped her. In my work I have to say that isn’t unusual to hear but I’ve seen a huge change in this particular client.
And this experience has finally inspired me to write again
We boarded the plane, content, suntanned and happy, full of positive emotions and two weeks of great memories. As we fastened our seatbelts the pilot warned us to expect a few bumpy moments after take-off.
I follow a lot of business blogs and although I enjoy them, I see a nonstop necessity to go at full speed. In reality, in my work as a therapist and coach who mostly focuses on emotions, I realize that we are often limited by things that happen in our daily lives.
Today, my daughter asked me what my New Year’s resolution was. I told her I would like to be calmer and truth be told this was a resolution that I made several times last year. In 2017 I was trying to be calmer, or to put it another way, clinically-manage my frustration tolerance better. I improved but not as much as I wanted to. I think the reason for my failure was that I hadn’t fully embraced why I lose my cool.I hadn’t fully accepted that I use frustration to avoid being direct.