While your initial instinct may be to say, “no”, take a moment to really think about it.
A really sweet male client came into my office a few months ago. For years he had been in bad relationships with women who didn’t treat him well. He was delighted to tell me that he had finally found a good match! But he had booked an appointment with me because he found he was picking fights with her. He was confused by his own behavior wondering why he was doing something that he ultimately felt was blocking his own happiness.
Nicole C Weiss LCSW
Nicole WeissDo You Get Addicted to Your Bad Patterns?
Lately I have been struggling with a bit of grumpiness.
It’s not out of control but it sits there under the surface, tugging at me. You know…just a low level crankiness. And with that crankiness I find that lately I am noticing everything that I DON’T LIKE.
While I find this statement really annoying, looking back I can precisely recall the times where I have
Radically blown it And guess what?
I learned. A TON.
This week has been a (freaking) week of lessons.. I wish lessons were best learned through those bursts of ideas that you get while driving, looking at a sunset or after a really great glass of cabernet. But NO. Most of the time they come from silly mistakes.
Over the past 15 years my views on what it means to “have issues” have changed. Sure there are people who have serious mental illnesses – and that absolutely cannot be minimized. It’s important to act quickly and thoroughly when someone has acute health issues. Yet I have come to realize that most of us are just dealing with the human condition.
I will forgive myself for behaving badly in my 20’s while I was trying to figure out who I was. I wasn’t a big party person but I was a know it all.
I thought I understood boundaries and relationships but now I know that I was mostly being an asshole (and a teeny bit judgemental). I forgive myself because at the time they were the best decisions I knew how to make.
I am not an asshole anymore and I have learned. It’s time to forgive myself.