“Get a grip…. aren’t you over it by now?  ….Smile, things can’t be that bad… What is your problem?”

People navigating trauma often hear words like these from ‘well-meaning’ friends and family. The truth is, unless we’ve experienced some level of trauma ourselves, we may struggle to feel or express empathy.

A client of mine learned this the hard way. Until a few months ago, he never really understood the impact of depression and anxiety, dismissing those around him who failed to, as he saw it, ‘get over it.’

Then life happened to him and everything changed. He became the victim of a random assault. His assailant was never identified but his sense of safety was shattered in an instant.

In the aftermath of the attack, he fell into anxiety and depression. He was paralysed by the thought of a second attack, ashamed that he couldn’t defend himself or ensure justice for his attacker. Soon after, his emotional distress manifested in physical symptoms; panic attacks, weight loss, days spent unable to get out of bed.

Gradually, we worked together on the impact of PTSD, not as a weakness, but as a human response to trauma. As we did, he began to reflect on all the times he had dismissed the suffering of others. He wasn’t a mean guy but until now he hadn’t understood the reality of living with trauma on a visceral level.

As we began the long road to recovery, he realized that for the first time in his life, he gets it. He feels empathy for others struggling with trauma and life. Ultimately, we were able to reframe it as a gift that eventually he could recognize.

Does that make what happened to him ‘OK’? Of course it doesn’t, but it helps him look for silver linings and it’s this approach that is helping him to face emotions and slowly begin to feel whole again. When he reaches that point, he’s resolved to go out into the world and be alongside others as they struggle to climb their way out of the hole of depression.

When I’m working with clients recovering anxiety and trauma, I tell them this. “Now you’ll always be able to understand people in a way that you never could before this experience. Your relationships will be closer and stronger.”

I don’t wish trauma on anyone.

Going through any kind of trauma, whatever it is, an unwanted diagnosis, an assault, bereavement, a relationship breakup, isn’t something we ever want or welcome. But life happens to all of us at some point. And at that moment, when we’re dealing with shock, grief, loss, heartbreak or facing our own physical fragility, it is intolerable. Hope and safety are shattered in an instant and it is impossible to imagine we’ll ever be OK again.

At some point we have to gently begin to pick up the pieces. Talking with a therapist can help you to explore your emotions in a safe space and find a way to push through to the other side at your own pace.

I can’t promise you that facing your trauma is easy. But I can promise you that working through this process will help you to heal. An experienced therapist will help you to reconnect with life and to everyone around you.

Most importantly, you will begin to feel whole again.

Nicole C Weiss LCSW

• Phone: 619-318-5012
• Email: [email protected]