What to do when you don’t know where to begin?

In my experience, people are so overwhelmed with life and its myriad demands they feel they’re just treading water. There’s nothing wrong with that. Treading water gives you time to breathe, but it’s not meant to be a long-term solution. We all know what happens when you tread water for too long ….

But too many of us are stuck in survival mode.

To get out you need to head toward something, let’s call it a metaphorical shore. That shore is your aim, vision, or goal. It’s your ultimate destination.

The usual response I hear from clients is ‘’no kidding, that is what I can’t do’’.

But here’s the thing. They can.

You can.

Focus on what’s possible

What we have to focus on is possibility, not perfection.

But what does that mean?

I usually ask people to write down their goals, or we’ll write them together. They then say, ‘’yeah, but I haven’t done them.’’

So, we break it into chunks. Then they pick a big chunk and still don’t follow up on their actions.

Next, we break it into smaller chunks. Most people see this as a failure, because in the past they’d take the big steps towards their goals with ease.

But the reality is that we live in the now, not the past.

The next stage is usually an inner struggle, or stubbornness …. before….

Humility

Sometimes, we have to accept that we aren’t where we were.

And that’s OK.

Yes, it’s painful, but the good news is that usually we aren’t at zero either (even if it might feel that way).

It’s like going back to your gym workout after a long holiday or time out. You aren’t where you were, but you still have your muscle memory. You know the drill. Pick up those weights or step on that treadmill and your body remembers. It fires up.

Start where you are.

Start small. Be realistic about what’s possible. Don’t set the bar too high at the first attempt.

Take a walk around the block, write the resume, submit one application, open the dating app, clean only the floor of that room, call that one friend – or message if calling is too much. You get the picture.

And you’ll soon discover it’s not as bad as you think.

The key is to get started where you are. Right here, right now.

Another question I ask my clients is to time each task. How long does each small chunk take you? It’s usually surprising how little time it takes. And then we can start to allocate time each day to do those things that take you a step closer to your overall goal or vision. And with that comes momentum and the feeling of competence. The feeling that you can do this! There’s nothing quite like it.

Because once you feel like you are captain of your own ship, your confidence grows… and grows…. and that spills over into everything you do.

So, tell me. Where will you start today?

Nicole C Weiss LCSW

• Phone: 619-318-5012
• Email: [email protected]