A few days ago, I accompanied someone during an intake for mental health treatment. It wasn’t the experience I was expecting.
The interviewer was cold and impersonal, with an aloof manner that bordered on arrogance when questioned or pushed back by the person in their care.
It’s years since I was in training or spent time around other clinicians but the whole experience made me reflect on my own approach. As a therapist, I am reluctant to criticize people in a similar field, and to be fair, this person was a medical professional, rather than a therapist.
I’m also active on a number of therapist discussion boards, where rules and regulations are often the main topic of conversation, as if they are the most important part of client interaction. I’ve often wondered what their clients must feel like on the receiving end of that approach. After this experience, I believe I have a better understanding.
Part of why I added coaching to my practice is that many of my clients are high-functioning people who don’t require many rules and regulations, because they already understand mutual respect. I have no problem with boundaries, they belong in every healthy relationship, but I don’t see the people I work with as children who need scolding.
Most of my clients are seeking meaning, or need to fine-tune parts of their lives. Many of them have a wealth of expertise in their own domains.
I see my role as guiding the one piece I’m there to work on.
I have one client who comes to see me once or twice a year, something the discussion boards would strongly advise against, who tells me, “I expect you to stay current so I don’t have to. You can point me to new books, or synthesize what I need to know and share with me.”
And I’m happy to do that. I love this work, I’m passionate about what I do. I love keeping up with the field of psychology, human behavior, human culture, and over the years I’ve evolved and updated the way I work with people multiple times.
What you won’t get working with me is an uptight, rigid clinician. I understand why that approach helps some people, and to be clear, I strictly follow my own code of ethics.
I treat my clients as fellow travelers, making the same journey.
I know my stuff, but like all of us, I’m always learning. What I felt at the intake a few days ago is not something I’d want to feel at this stage in my own life.
I’m sharing this to give people a feel for my style, so you know what to expect when working with me.
I raised my children in a similar way. I was strict about a handful of things that actually mattered, but beyond that, I gave them the freedom to develop their own agency and conscience. I’m not a dictator. I don’t rule with an iron fist. I’d rather guide, reinforce, and notice, and when necessary, offer honest feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. I’m happy to say my kids know who they are, whether I’m in the room or not.
That’s what you can expect if you choose to work with me.
I’ll be direct and honest. I’ll tell you things that aren’t always comfortable to hear, but it won’t sound like I’m reading from a textbook.
I’ll listen to you. I’ll meet you where your motivation is, and my ultimate goal is to help you create a life of meaning and purpose, and an appreciation for the responsibility of a life well lived.
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