Anxiety is a big thing for most people. Unlike fatigue or a low mood, it creates its own unique kind of discomfort, affecting you in ways that other difficulties don’t. Anxiety plagues you, it disrupts sleep patterns, it’s not something you can distract yourself from with your favorite TV series or Netflix.
So, what can you actually do, right now, to calm it down? Here are three ideas that might help:
Normalize it
Your ancestors survived so that you could be here. We have to assume that anxiety played a role in that, by keeping them alert and cautious. It helped them to avoid dangers that could have ended their lives. Imagine for a moment what it would be like to have no fear at all. Your life would almost certainly be more dangerous. So before you do anything else, try thanking yourself for your inbuilt alarm system. It’s not your enemy. I think of it as a Rottweiler. A Rottweiler might overreact, by barking at the postman or erupting in a frenzy over a doorbell, but the intention behind every bark is to protect you. So, what do you do? You soothe the dog; you reassure it that everything’s OK, and it calms down. And you can do the same for yourself.
Focus on the task at hand
If there is something to be done, focus all your attention on that, rather than yourself. Turn your attention outward rather than inward, and I understand it’s easier said than done when you’re worried about everything. But when you’re talking to someone, try really listening to what they say, rather than your preoccupation with your life and how you’re feeling. Ask questions. Respond honestly. Much of our difficulty with anxiety comes from the fact that we have been given something our ancestors never really had, the luxury of time and space to think about ourselves. Life used to be purely a matter of survival, waking up, working and keeping going, however you could. There wasn’t much room to think about ourselves then. Of course, our ancestors experienced fear, but they acted, because life wasn’t comfortable and it was more of a do or die situation. That is what we evolved to be like, and it’s something we need to recognize.
Distract yourself
I know this sounds like a contradiction after everything I just said, and the emphasis on mindfulness in the past decade, but distraction is a great way to manage anxiety. It gives you a break from yourself and helps you find perspective. And I’m not advocating for things that might harm you. Listen to a podcast or an audiobook. Play pickleball. It places you into a ‘life and death’ situation and other than an occasional rotator cuff tear, it’s not high risk. It also plugs you into the sense of survival that’s still in our DNA.
Above all…
If I had to choose just one thing from this list, it would be this; focus on someone or something else. I can’t emphasize enough that the less you think about yourself, the better you will feel. Of course, you need a depth of self-knowledge to orient, to find direction and a goal. But checking in with yourself every single moment of the day is exhausting. We evolved in tribes; we’re wired to look out for others, and that instinct is still in us. Do something good for someone. Listen with real attention. It gets you out of your own head while making the world around you a better place. Not only is it low risk, but you’ll make others feel better and build better relationships too.
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