When you are in a relationship (any close relationship) you realize that:
Everyone has sharp edges.
I used to believe that we could make them go away.
I thought that if we worked hard enough we could change the aspects of people that are truly annoying and difficult.
I also believed, mistakenly, that I could make my sharp edges disappear.
I’ve found that though we can change a lot about ourselves, not a one of us will ever be completely smooth. Rough edges are stubborn, hang on and well, just part of us.
But this may not be bad news. Sterile lives are probably not the best lives. What would we talk about, write about, read about, watch movies about? Where would the laughter be?
How would we learn and grow? How might we truly learn tolerance? Or acceptance? What if the sharp edges also held messages of wisdom hidden somewhere inside?
Maybe a big part of long-lasting love is learning to be like water over sharp edges.
That doesn’t mean that we have to just “take it” from people. If they are mean to us, we might have to back off, say something or leave the situation altogether. It also doesn’t mean that if we see something unacceptable within our character that we don’t address it.
Relationships, the true and deep ones, are amazing and beautiful. And exhausting and ugly and not always easy. Because what I know for sure is that there is NO WAY to take our magic eraser and wipe ourselves or those around us clean. No matter how hard anyone has tried, there is no way to truly create a sterile existence. (If anyone ever promises you that, run the other way. They are definitely lying.)
So, when you dive into real-life-love, you may find at times that you get stuck and OUCH! You are caught on an edge. But what if you try on the thought…
Maybe flexibility and a smidge of acceptance can be the balm that smoothes out the stickiest places. Can I be like water over the sharp edges?
Nicole C Weiss LCSW
- Phone: 619-318-5012
- Email: [email protected]