When your teen’s “Lasts” hit hard
Standing on the sidelines cheering my daughter at her soccer game yesterday, it hit me. This is probably her last year of playing for this team. And with that realization I started to think about the year ahead.
Even change you’ve worked for, hoped for, planned for.
.. and change is usually good and always inevitable.
A coaching client of mine recently graduated from an MBA program and secured a top-notch job. But far from feeling on top of the world, he messaged to ask me why he felt so bad.
He was questioning himself. Had he soaked up all that college and grad school had to offer? Had he spent his time in New York wisely? Had he immersed himself in the city, living as a true ‘’New Yorker’’, or had he missed out on opportunities?
What to do when you don’t know where to begin
In my experience, people are so overwhelmed with life and its myriad demands they feel they’re just treading water. There’s nothing wrong with that. Treading water gives you time to breathe, but it’s not meant to be a long-term solution. We all know what happens when you tread water for too long ….
‘What will you do with your one wild and precious life?’
Taken from ‘The Summer Day’ by poet Mary Oliver, it’s a question I put to my coaching and therapy clients. It’s a question that’s relevant whether they have achieved all they set out to achieve in life or find themselves in a stagnant career and want to pivot.
At some point, we all wake up and wonder if we are living the life we want.
My first step with any client facing this dilemma is to unpack what it really means to them.
The one thing we can be certain of in life is that change is inevitable, but not always welcome. When I speak with new clients, significant change is almost always happening in their lives. It’s often the reason they connect with me.
Jon comes into my office, clearly frazzled.
“No one appreciates me. I do everything for everyone else and no one cares.”
There’s an angry tone to his voice.
Are you still looking back at your past relationship?
You know how… when you can’t resist taking a quick look at your ex’s social media profile and see what they’re up to… how they’ve coped without you? … and you feel … well…. either happy for them because you’re doing just fine in your own life and you genuinely want them to succeed… or, let’s be honest .. jealous?
We all hear it all the time, you can do anything you set your mind to.
It is a good thing to believe, especially when you are young and your whole life lies ahead of you. But even young people know that not everyone is gifted at everything.
And some people are just not good at some things.
One of the greatest gifts you can give people you love is the presumption of innocence.
Years ago, I had a conflict with someone at a family gathering. Later as I reported the bad behavior to my husband, he replied: Did you ever consider she might be having a bad day?
There’s a certain type of client who comes to me with a very specific issue they wish to resolve.
Co-dependency.
The image these clients present to the world is a passive one, but that’s far from the truth. Their need to be less dependent is usually linked to just one person or one relationship but what surprises them is my response to their ‘problem’, which goes something like this:
“What I really want is for you to become dependent on way more people”.
This sounds at odds with our individualistic, egocentric culture but let’s take a walk back in time.