The best revenge is massive success’’ – Frank Sinatra
Are you still looking back at your past relationship?
You know how… when you can’t resist taking a quick look at your ex’s social media profile and see what they’re up to… how they’ve coped without you? … and you feel … well…. either happy for them because you’re doing just fine in your own life and you genuinely want them to succeed… or, let’s be honest .. jealous?
The thing is that we are human.
Humans like to feel like they are doing better today than they did yesterday. We want to look back and see the progress we’ve made, but the actions we take after a set back don’t always reflect common sense.
For instance, you might lose business, get dumped, lose money on an investment, lose a friend for no obvious reason. You might binge eat, binge drink, binge on Netflix, take time off work to feel better.
But what comes of it?
You feel like you are worse off, farther away from your goals than you’ve ever been. Ultimately, you feel disappointed in yourself.
And that’s OK. We’ve all been there. What we need to do is transform situation into something positive.
It’s all about revenge
One way I work with my clients is to help them use unhelpful triggers to trigger something helpful.
Life is messy. You have to work with what you have. So you got burned? What do you do? You take the next thing on your list and give it your all. You do the very best you can with it.
Revenge work, revenge study, revenge work out, revenge eat well….do it in spite of what happened.
I remember in my late teens and early twenties trying to shake a boyfriend who wasn’t good for me. I finally figured out that I had grown used to the stress of an unstable relationship. Not good, right? So what did I do?
I replaced the emotional stress with the stress of getting good grades in college, travelling to foreign countries…and though at first it felt unnatural, after a while I shook loose of the guy and became accustomed to the stress of working hard and travelling hard.
It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Replace one bad habit with another that had pay offs that last for a lifetime.
Pay attention to what matters
So what to do?
Ask yourself, where are you bruised?
How are YOUR reactions becoming self destructive ….?
How can you get to the next thing on your list and give it as much focus and attention as you are giving the pain, depression, the bruised ego?
Just do it…and do it like your life depends on it (hint: it does!)
Report back to me on the actions you take and tell me how you feel after you get some traction….
My guess is you will like what you see.
Nicole C Weiss LCSW
- Phone: 619-318-5012
- Email: [email protected]